Tue Dec 18, 2007 at 09:38:07 AM PST
REPORTER: "Do we know whose behind this new "War on God," I mean, do we just naturally assume it's Satan? Is Hell involved or is it just Americans?"
SNOW: "Is Hell overtly involved? Tough to say. My good buddy Bill O'Really asserts that DailyKos readers worship Satan. Is that the case? I'm sure in some instances, yes, absolutely, just as Hell and the Devil can probably be found in things like the ACLU or impeachment investigations or Congress or people that read books by Noam Chomsky. Next question?"
REPORTER: "Given that America's War on Drugs, Terror and specifically Afghanistan and Iraq have each been such epic failures, what makes us think we're ready to take on God? Or even Hell? Or...whomever. Who are we fighting again?"
SNOW: "Secular fascists."
REPORTER: "So, technically, each other?"
SNOW: "Exactly."
SNOW: "But let me hone that in a little for you. We're at war with the evil secularists amongst us, just like we were at war with the terrorist sympathizers as recently as just yesterday and just like we were at war with communist sympathizers a few decades ago. It's not uncommon for America to be at war against it's own citizens. It's actually a proud part of our national heritage!"
REPORTER: "But given the already serious divsions that exist within America today, probably the most divided American citizenry in history, do we need something else to divide ourselves over? I mean, a good chunk of us don't believe there even is a God, so how can we be at war with him? Or...Him."
SNOW: "We're not at war with 'Him'. We're at war with 'them.'"
REPORTER: "Whom?"
SNOW: "The evil secularists."
REPORTER: "Then why isn't it the 'War on Secularism' or 'Secular Fascism?' Is it because the war is more marketable if it's against capital-G God as opposed to a system of government in which the ruling class keep their religion to themselves? And are we at war with Atheists as well?"
SNOW: "Not at all. Just the Secular Atheists."
REPORTER: "Jesus."
SNOW: "Exactly. Next question?"
REPORTER: "What do you make of DKos blogger and eminent sage iSenseChange's assertion that this whole "War on God" nonsense (his words, not mine, amen hallelujah) is just the Republican Party's pathetic attempt at hedging it's bets going into the 08 elections, that the creation of a patently ridiculous "War on God" is laughable on its face and a very simple attempt at dividing the electorate while not dealing with a single issue of importance, like say, health care reform, the Iraq War or the impending recession? After seven years of George 'Dubya' Bush fucking up everything he's ever laid eyes on, is religion basically all you guys have left at this point? Are you that desperate?"
SNOW: "This iSenseChange is both a DailyKos blogger and an Atheist? Sounds like we've found our new Osama. He's a blogger. Is he an American? We have no way of knowing. He might even be a Muslim."
REPORTER: "Well, actually he's an avowed Atheist. so..."
SNOW: "So he might even be an Islamo-Atheo-Fascist-Extremist. That's the worst kind."
REPORTER: "Sounds scary as hell! Let's hope we find this guy!"
SNOW: "We'll smoke him out. Next question? Mr. Gannon?"
GANNON: "Given the nature of America's brand new war, which of the presidential contenders would be best suited to lead America in these, the darkest of times? Do any of them have a theology degree? Any decent speeches about this war recently?"
READER'S POLL
What war would be preferable to one on God?
a) the War on Homelessness
9% 4 votes
b) the War on Corporate Greed
15% 7 votes
c) the War on Presidential Criminality
18% 8 votes
d) the War on Environmental Destruction
6% 3 votes
e)the War on the Dumbing Down of the American Citizenry
50% 22 votes
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