Canto I: Twas the Eve Before Elections
Twas the eve before elections, and in all the nations,
The masses were huddled before clever animations,
Before renowned experts, clever pundits, talking heads
They watched from the couches, they watched from the beds
They watched from the caves, they watched from the rocks
Day and night the whole world watched that box
And the reality created by the good folks at the News,
With no trace of bias and the purest of views.
It showed what Darth Cheney meant when he said
That “Citizens were doomed and fucked in the head”
If they voted for Kerry, for "with Kerry lay Death!
By Terrorists conspiring to take your last breath!
Cause Kerry can’t hack it,” Darth said with sly grin,
As a large drop of oil dripped down his chin,
“He says he’s a soldier, but he’s no kind of man!
As for keeping you safe, why there’s no way he can!”
“What on Earth does a Nam vet know about fighting?
For Nation to lay bleeding, dying, kicking and biting?
What good a soldier at defense or attacks?
What good a commander to watch all of your backs
Of leading a battle, and curing the world’s ills?”
Cheney asked in a fine suit made of Haliburton dollar bills.
“He’s an old wooden pussy, the worst kind by far!
He hasn’t the temperment, he’s well below par!”
Cheney droned on for the tenth time that day
In non-stop news world it was all they would play.
I was getting tired, had all from the tube,
So I pulled out some weed and I rolled a big doob.
I considered a meal, a jerk-off, a jog
When who should appear but that old salty dog!
Not Kerry, not Bush, nor football’s John Madden
But the worst of the worst, Osama Bin Laden!
“Well, hot damn!” I shouted, not sure how to feel,
The whole thing was twisted, confusing, surreal.
He was there just in time for the whole world to see
In time for the election of the New Century!
He was back, the scoundrel, but where had he been?
The Afghani hills was the last place he’d been seen
Or was it a cave in the South of Iraq,
Sipping champagne with that filthy Chirac?
“Bring us Osama!” we screamed “that salty old prick!
You said that you’d catch him and you said it’d be quick!”
Yet with all sound and fury, no peep was heard
Of that scary brown man with the toga and beard.
Yet here he was, calm and cool, tasting new glory
But what role was he playing in the Election Eve story?
October surprise, how ‘bout surprise of the year?
But what role was his in the 'Great Campaign of Fear?'
“Osama!” cried Paula, “holy shuddering fuck!
On Eve of Election! What a great piece of luck!”
“Coup de grace,” called a pundit, for Bush and his throng,
“With Osama in hand, how could they go wrong?”
“The nail in the coffin,” said Reilly, “Kerry’s sunk!”
Then called Moore a homo and Edwards a punk
“Shit’s fucked!” Stewart declared, “the deal’s been queered!
This election has just gone from strange to plain weird!”
It blew it for everybody, if you know what I mean,
It blew it for Kerry and his Heinz ketchup queen
It blew it for the Democrats, Bill Clinton, Al Gore
It blew it for Springsteen, it blew it for Moore.
It blew away the Masses, the Nation, the World
It blew away Joe Biden who violently hurled
Upon fellow Democratic hope Barak Obama
This, the effect of the appearance of Osama.
Cuz the election had been about Fear from day one!
And when ‘hot ticket’ Bin Laden was spoken and done
The people all moaned and some turned towards God
Of timing and appearance nobody thought twas odd
But he’d clinched up the deal and sealed ‘er up tight
For those compassionate neo-conmen, the Republican Right.
Did Bin Laden care of the head he anoints?
Who knows, but Bush got an extra six points.
-SenseChange
RandomMP3age: "I am a Rock" Simon and Garfunkel
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